I will die if light touches me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
