things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
