hotel room ftw
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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