i wish my penis had a tongue
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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