Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
