you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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