Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
