Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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