I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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