when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
