Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have aggressive nipples.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
