I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
