bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
