I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
