I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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