Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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