I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
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duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
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My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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