his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
