Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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