I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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