I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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