That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
