after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
