i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize