oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
