I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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