You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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