YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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