you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
