Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
