I look better un-naked...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
