I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
