Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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