She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
