You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
