So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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