i would punch a child for taco bell
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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