It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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