proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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