we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
