Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think my vagina is haunted
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
