His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
