can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have post one night stand depression
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