If that was your dad, he is hot
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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