Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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