Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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