At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
