I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
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It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
