based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
false alarm, still single
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
