I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
