Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
