after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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