So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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