Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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