Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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