Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
