I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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