Ambien. No doubt about it.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
