dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
