planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
