i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
