My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
