Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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