Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
