i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
