so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
