when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
