my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
