When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
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bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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