she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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