Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
