Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
