Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
